Consult for divorce in Monmouth County NJ divorce

By: Coach Dave

Some Notes on New Jersey Divorce and Child Custody

Parents who are processing their divorce in New Jersey need to discuss and agree on child custody. Child custody is more than an agreement among the spouses as to whom the child or children will live with. Divorce laws in New Jersey provide that the child's best welfare must be primary in promulgating child custody decisions.

The parents may firm up a plan on how the children will be nurtured and their needs fulfilled as they grow. They must submit their custody and visitation schedule to the Superior Court for evaluation, which most likely would get a nod when law criteria are satisfied. The New Jersey government provides much freedom for parents to fashion the custody plan for their child.

Besides the basic needs of food, clothing, and shelter, New Jersey divorce statutes consider happiness, security and home environment as among the general factors in making child custody decisions. Other factors that the court takes into account are as follows:

• The parents' ability to agree, communicate and cooperate in matters relating to the child;
• The parents' willingness to accept custody and any history of unwillingness to allow parenting time not based on substantiated abuse;
• The interaction and relationship of the child with its parents and siblings;
• The history of domestic violence, if any; the safety of the child and the safety of either parent from physical abuse by the other parent;
• The preference of the child when of sufficient age and capacity to reason so as to form an intelligent decision;
• The needs of the child;
• The stability of the home environment offered;
• The quality and continuity of the child's education;
• The fitness of the parents;
• The geographical proximity of the parents' homes;
• The extent and quality of the time spent with the child prior to or subsequent to the separation;
• The parents' employment responsibilities;
• The age and number of the children. A parent shall not be deemed unfit unless the parents' conduct has a substantial adverse effect on the child;

Depending on the agreement, parents have the authority to make decisions for and in behalf of their children. Generally, legal custody is an obligation that parents share but a dysfunctional spouse may be inhibited (or may voluntarily default) to take part in this responsibility.

So that there will not be miscommunications and to avoid possible cause of conflicts, both parties must come to an understanding as to what decisions that the parents will make corporately, what decisions are relegated to a specific parent. When they are not in agreement over a decision for the child, parents should have an option or course of action.

The court that oversees the implementation of the New Jersey divorce laws is apt to approve the custody agreement that the parents have willfully and harmoniously designed. If the spouses fail to come up with a common plan, the court will determine it on the primary basis of what is best for the child and the practical factors that were listed earlier.

Parents who are processing their divorce in New Jersey need to discuss and agree on child custody. Child custody is more than an agreement among the spouses as to whom the child or children will live with. Free consultation and free report on most often asked questions about at http://divorcenewjersey.com/monmouth-county-new-jersey-divorce.php

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How to Tackle the Stress of Divorce - Overcoming those Unwanted Emotions

By: Vanaja Ghose

We’ve all seen the movies and read the stories about messy divorces that cause even more hardship to both people. As if the fact that your marriage is falling apart is not enough! When going through a divorce, more pain, more stress and more anxiety is the last thing you need. This is why I have outlined three of the most common stressors of divorce and how you can overcome them and move on.

The Feeling of Guilt - Many women will think that the divorce is their own fault. Perhaps you feel like you did not love enough; perhaps you paid too much attention to work and not to your husband; perhaps you yelled a lot; perhaps you made false accusations; perhaps you took too much….stop. Just stop. This guilt trip is not going to do anything but make you feel worse. You can go through a million different reasons why and, unless the answer is laid out in stone, you may never know the real answer. The reality is this: people fall in and out of love all the time. And, in most instances, there is nothing you could or can do about it. Even if there was, it’s over now. The past is in the past. So don’t beat yourself up about it and instead take this past experience and use it in the present and the future.

The Feeling of Failure - Many people look at divorce as a failed marriage, or as a failure. No one likes to feel that they have failed. It is an awful feeling. You most likely don’t want to talk about it due to shame that society has attached to it. And you are worried that people are thinking ‘poor her’ or ‘glad it wasn’t me.’ You may even think people are laughing at you or thinking ‘I told you so.’ Okay, it’s important that you brush these thoughts out of your head. You need to be strong and move on. Associate with those who have been through a divorce and can help you overcome these feelings. You are not a failure. One in two marriages end in divorce - you found a love so deep and a man so special you wanted to marry, you lived in wedded bliss and you learned something along the way - how is this possibly considered failure?

The Feeling of Loss - Even if your divorce is messy and you just want to get out of the house and never look at that no-good husband of yours again, there is most likely a small part of you that is aching from a broken heart. After all, you did love your husband, and you most likely still do. You might even always love him. You cannot change the past and you also shouldn’t want to. Instead, find the gift of lessons that it provides. And try to think about the good times and the love you shared as a major part of shaping the person you are today. This love will always be a big part of who you are. Furthermore, this love only proves that love does exist, and it can again, even after a broken heart.

© Vanaja Ghose 2010

Vanaja Ghose (http://www.divorcedtodazzling.com/about-2/) is a Professional Life Coachhelping divorced women and those who chose to leave their long term relationship, and now want to powerfully create a dazzling life.

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Making Divorce a Positive, Life Changing Experience

By: Vanaja Ghose

Most people view divorce in a negative light. For instance, a woman who is newly divorced is expected to be in the grieving process and might be criticized if she were to jump right into the dating scene. Similarly, men who are newly divorced are seen as bad emotional investments by many women because it is assumed that they are emotionally fragile.

Some women even assume that a man who is divorced (even in the distant past) is bad relationship material simply because the divorce shows their inability to maintain a long term, committed relationship. This is a completely inappropriate view that holds no merit for most men, but it is one that many women cling to.

But wait...what if you could completely turn around this negative view of divorce? What if it were possible to make divorce a positive thing in your life? Before you laugh off the idea as ludicrous, consider that divorce doesn't have to always be a horrible thing. For some people who are able to put their mind in the right state, it can actually be something that turns their life in a positive direction.

Learning from Your Mistakes

For starters, you will learn a lot as you go through your divorce. The more time you spend in personal reflection while the divorce is taking place, the more you will start to see what went wrong in the relationship and what you could have done to make things go differently.

This is not to say that the divorce was your fault! Relationships require two people to continually feed off of one another's attitudes and perspectives, so when things go wrong both parties have some responsibilities. We all make mistakes, and after a divorce you will realize that yours were in terms of the relationship.

Knowing your mistakes will help you avoid them in the future. Even if you realize you just reacted badly to your spouse cheating or a negative life view of your spouse, you will know in the future how to handle those things much better.

Personal Growth

During and after a divorce, you will go through a lot of personal growth. There is something about the combination of heart break, anger, rejection, frustration, and all the other mixed emotions that most couples feel as they separate, which brings about a natural process of emotional and sometimes spiritual growth.

You become more in-tuned with your own thoughts and your own body. You start to see the world in a different light. If you don't feel this happening naturally, you can do exercises and spend time journaling your thoughts and emotions in order to start growing and maturing. This growth and added maturity will equal out to a better relationship when you find someone new in the future. Right now, it will equal out to a better, well lived life.

Freedom to Live

Finally, going through a divorce gives you freedom to really live your life. Rather than sitting around grieving your lost relationship, make a decision to get up and really live your life. Do all the things you wanted to do but your spouse never approved of. Whatever your heart desires...go after it! When you learn to embrace personal growth and vow to live every day to the fullest, you will experience divorce in a positive light!

© Vanaja Ghose 2010

Vanaja Ghose (http://www.divorcedtodazzling.com/about-2/) is a Professional Life Coachhelping divorced women and those who chose to leave their long term relationship, and now want to powerfully create a dazzling life.

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Stop Drinking & Save Your Marriage Now!

By: Linda Abdullah

There are thousands of alcoholics around and who have gone through processes of kicking the habit and eliminating this ‘family disease’ for good. Some have been successful, some struggle for years while some just can’t stop drinking, lose their families and waste their lives away.

Those who have been successful, do a few effective things. First, don’t deny that you have a serious problem and need to stop drinking.

Second, put the guilt and anger behind you so that you can develop enough courage and focus on taking positive steps to make significant changes to make things right again for you and your family.

Third, a wife or a husband, who is on the verge of giving up will always be willing to stand by you and support you. The fact that he or she is considering leaving you is not because the love is no longer there, it’s because they can no longer cope with a ‘dead-end’ situation without a solution in the horizon. Involve them in your endeavor. You will not be disappointed.

Fourth, explore options. Know your constraints of finances, reputation and time. Some options include joining Alcoholic Anonymous, paying for counseling sessions and getting on a good program to give you a head-start to stop drinking. Some people achieve faster results with a combination of options while some just stick with one and still succeed.

Whichever option [s] you take, make sure you set your goal, list out the reasons why you want to achieve that goal and list out the kind of results you can expect when you reach your goal.

Sit down with your spouse, your kids, open up to them and tell them how serious you are when you say you want to stop drinking. Most of all, tell them what it means to YOU and THEM when you succeed. Tell them that you need their support.

Never forgot why people call alcoholism a family disease. Alcoholic impairments are behavioral – it affects day-to-day interactions of family life, it causes confusion, bewilderment, anger, fear and hurt which compounds over time. Stop drinking by taking action now. Your family cannot wait, your life cannot wait. It is not fair to your family that you put your family on hold just because you can’t stop drinking!

Imagine how a life free from alcohol worries can impact you and your family … Click the links below to explore some proven strategies for you to stay in control of your drinking and stop damaging your health, alienating loved ones and wasting your life.

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Linda is a Certified Wellness Planner dedicated to revolutionizing self-sustaining wellness lifestyles and active ageing that thrives on alternative medicine, mind-body-spirit equilibrium and a fervent passion for a fulfilling life. "Total Wellness Now - person by person, family by family, company by company, city by city, state by state, country by country"

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Consult for divorce in Monmouth County NJ divorce

By: Coach Dave

Divorce in NJ - Lessening its Impact

Divorce in New Jersey has consistently remained as one of the lowest divorce rates in the US. Despite the increasing rate of divorce in the US at 4.95 per 1,000 people in 2009, New Jersey has the second lowest rate. Nevertheless, the constant reality is that divorce does happen regardless of where you are, what you believe in, or in whatever income bracket you come from.

Since its institutionalization in our society, marriage is a covenant that is meant to be forever. This has been the context and content, legally and spiritually, of marital relationships that the state and even religious groups have established and upheld. It is founded on the tenet that the two shall become one and just like a fairy tale, the married couple shall lived happily ever after. These underlying principles of marriage are seen to make the impact of divorce hard on both parties.

The best divorce lawyers in New Jersey realize that couples who were married for a very long time, regardless of the reason for the breakup, there is always some degree of difficulty in the annulment process. A mixed feeling of loneliness, hatred, indifference, and regret becomes evident. It is even worse, when there are little children caught between the dissociating parents.

Thus, there is a need to know how the impact of the marriage split will be lessened so that the legal process will move smoothly in legal and psychological aspects. The divorce lawyers of both parties may proceed with the legal procedures and will not give attention to the prevailing sentiments and emotions among the spouses. However, the rate and manner of the proceedings will be affected when emotions are not kept at bay.

The competence of the lawyer who is dealing with the divorce process must not only cover the legal aspect of the work. He must be able to confront his client on the rationality of every action or reaction that he or she makes. By rationality, it means not only identifying the presenting emotions but also determining what is causing them. It would be very hard for the estranging couple to agree on divorce matters like child custody, partitioning of properties and assets, debts, and many more, when the situation is overwhelmed by raging and rejecting feelings.

When couples discuss the prospect of divorce as an option for a better way of life between them, it provides a sense of anticipation of the forthcoming split up and its possible impact on them. Of course, this must be done in a very sober atmosphere and both need to be conscious where the discussion would lead.

When couples have finally decided to go on separate ways and they are resolved to file divorce proceedings, knowing the marriage and divorce law in the state of their residence would come in handy. Gaining information about provisions on property division, estate evaluation, custody, prenuptial agreements, and other divorce-related issues, purports to better understanding of what they are getting into. It also prevents any speculation and unnecessary argument between the spouses on these subject matters because the law has specific provisions on these.

Divorce will always leave hurt and resentment to the parties involved. Taking steps to lessen it would help diminish its effect, preparing emotionally the husband and wife until they are legally divorced.

http://divorcenewjersey.net/monmouth-county-new-jersey-divorce.php, Best Divorce lawyer in New Jersey answers most often asked questions about Monmouth County NJ divorces.

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Post-Divorce Guilt - Is This Normal?

By: Vanaja Ghose

Deciding when you are ready to start painting the town red is difficult for most divorcees. Some feel the urge to escape their sadness right away while others have no desire to be with anyone but themselves and their pain. How we all react to the pains of divorce is different, so the decision about when to start going out and seeing others will be different as well.

Going Too Soon

The danger with starting to see other people too soon after a divorce is that you escape the emotions that come from the divorce so they are not dealt with properly. When you avoid feeling those feelings and working through your lingering issues you don't make them go away. You simply allow them to build up inside your soul, which will eventually cause problems in other relationships.

What often happens for someone who gets divorced and immediately starts seeing someone else is that they start treating their new loved one as if they are guilty of the crimes of their ex-spouse.

For instance, if your marriage broke up because your husband had an affair and you never dealt with your anger, grief, pain and other emotional reactions to that situation, you may treat your next boyfriend or husband constantly with suspicion. Your self esteem may be at its lowest and you may not be able to trust them completely. Unfortunately that will cause problems and possibly prevent you from having other healthy, emotionally satisfying relationships.

How do you avoid this? Simply by making sure you are emotionally whole again before you start seeing other people with romantic interests. Unless you deal with your anger, grief and pain, you will bring them into your next relationship. And unless you begin to value yourself again, no partner will value you.

This doesn't mean you have to live like a nun! If you feel the desire to get out of the house and have some fun, ask friends to go out with you. Take up a hobby that you perhaps did not have time for during your marriage. Or, start doing things that made you happy before you were married.

Someone new will come into your life when you are ready and you won't even have to go out looking for them in most cases.

Waiting Too Long

If the desire to start mingling with others never comes back, what do you do? Just as jumping into the dating scene too quickly can lead to problems in the future, there are some complications that can happen for people who wait too long to get out there.

The longer you wait, the more intimidating it becomes to go out on dates, and the more anxious you may feel about sharing romantic moments with someone new. Some people may decide that they simply don't want to compromise anymore and don't want to be in another relationship, and that is okay if it is your genuine desire.

If on the other hand you feel you’ve had enough of feeling alone and lonely, and it has been quite awhile since you've even smiled at a man with desire, it may be just the right time to start going out.


Vanaja Ghose (http://www.divorcedtodazzling.com/about-2/) is a Professional Life Coachhelping divorced women and those who chose to leave their long term relationship.

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Why we tend to turn a blind eye towards faults in our relationships

By: Matthew Dupree

The first thing that you should learn is not to be critical of others faults, particularly the faults of someone who could become your partner in life. No one wants their faults to be pointed out. It is basic courtesy that you should not be too ready to find fault with your partner.

It also happens that people who are anxious to find a partner are quick to take up a relationship with someone who more or less is the sort of person they would like to live with. In their haste to build up the relationship such persons ignore obvious differences and fail to realize that the relationship may not work out in the long run.

Persons who are very eager to establish an intimate relationship with someone they think is suitable for them, tend to erase their own personalities so that they can fit in better with their lover. The obliteration of personal beliefs and character will not help strengthen a relationship. One should be truly honest with oneself.

Fear is a major factor which blinds a person from seeing that a breakup in the relationship is looming. People fear being left alone without a partner; they fear that they may not be able to fend for themselves; and they fear that they will not find anyone else to love them and share their life with them. This sort of fear will make the relationship very difficult and painful to endure. While fear is something that we should take seriously, we should not allow it to overcome us. This is what Dr. Susan Jeffers talks about in her popular book called, "Feel The Fear And Do It Away"

In our attempts to get rid of our fears about loneliness we tend to ignore instances that are not pleasant and find excuses to absolve the bad and hurtful behavior of our partner. We do this so that we could keep the relationship going.

It also happens that very often we find it difficult to own up to our errors and faults. We feel too proud to say that we are sorry. We might also find that it is humiliating to accept that we were in the wrong.

We tend to focus on all the good things, real or imagined, in the relationship and turn a blind eye to what is not right with it. We just want to feel happy about it and refuse to look at anything that is not right about it. Then, when the breakup eventually happens, we wonder how we could have been blind to everything that was wrong about it.

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